Dating update…

It’s Sunday morning and I’m up early. The sun is out already and it looks like it will be a lovely autumnal day. So as the sun streams through the kitchen window and I enjoy my first coffee of the day I thought I would update you with the dating thing.

I don’t think it will take long as there is not a lot happening.

After deciding not to follow-up on a NSA with R…31 from Sussex and politely declining the offer of pretty much the same with an even younger lad who lived a bit to close for comfort. So close in fact that it is quite possible I know his mother. Imagine that!

In fact in the first week or so I had several offers of sex from young men/boys the youngest of whom was 18. Eighteen, FFS! 

I have children not much younger. He is only a few years older than Elsie. I really do hope Tom doesn’t feel the need to join an online dating site when he is 18. I hope that he will be a bit more sociable than that, have a life and friends and quite frankly, do it the old-fashioned way.

Is there something about my profile that was giving off the wrong ‘vibe’ or do these lads just think that every single woman past 40 must be desperate and gagging for it. I think probably the latter and although the idea of being someones Mrs Robinson is appealing in some ways I really would like a boyfriend, (urgh, I hate that word) who I know where he is at and what he is doing and at 18 I really don’t think you do.

I want a man. I have had flings in the past and enjoyable though they are they are bereft of any emotion or fun, that is not held in the bedroom. Once you have agreed on a non committed relationship you are stuck there, you are not allowed to change your mind or to become attached in any way. It is about the sex and nothing else.

A few years ago when my children were much smaller I got tangled up in a relationship with a married man. I know! I’m not proud but it is what it is.

He was an old friend I knew from childhood, I had always liked him and when he contacted me I knew that I would not be able to say no. He also knew this. I knew he was married, we have mutual friends so I also knew he was a serial cheater and was not likely to be around for long.

We met once sometimes twice a week for sex, looking back on it now I think I must have been completely bloody barking but at the time I just liked him and I enjoyed the sex and in the back of my head thought that this could, maybe, possibly turn in to something. It didn’t. He could tell that after a while I wanted more and he dumped me, just like that.

I knew it was coming and I wasn’t in the least bit surprised. Now when I look back at it I see it for what it was and I don’t feel guilty or dirty, although I expect there are people out there who think I should but it is not what I am looking for now.  Not that I suppose you ever really do go looking for that kind of thing.

As a post script, the guy left his wife after a few more affairs and has since remarried one of his affairs and is now happily cheating on her. Who’d have thought it?

Anyway I digress.

So, after much procrastinating I decided I had better sort my profile out. I hadn’t actually written anything on my profile and had only added a picture. This was not deliberate, well it kind of was I suppose, it is just that it is so hard to write a profile about yourself. What do you say… ‘pick me, I’m nice, honestly’.

I decided to add some more pictures, little did I know this would take about three hours of my very rare day off. I am not a one for taking pictures of myself and even if I do take the odd selfie it is usually inclusive of someone else ie, my sister or my kids.  All my ‘normal photos’ of holidays and events etc have other people in them, funny that. So I resigned my self to the fact that I was going to have to take some selfies.

This is much harder than it looks. You have to get the angle right, no one wants to date someone with four chins. You have to have the right light as for some reason when the camera goes in to ‘selfie mode’ you instantly turn into someone with translucent skin and not in a good way. You also need to have make-up on and plenty of it. You have to sit straight and shoulders back to uncrease your chest (this probably doesn’t apply if you are young) and if you so much as move a muscle in between trying to hold the camera in position and trying to push the god damm button with your one and only spare digit at an almost impossible angle, you have failed, miserably.

Fifty six selfies later because as well as the actual pictures, I had to change outfit a couple of times (don’t want anyone thinking they were all taken on the same day) and only two past muster. Two. Fucking hell. What a waste of a day!

Now all I have to do is write about myself. Oh god, kill me now. I want my life back. My life before dating was easy, who cared what I looked like or slept in or woke up like, no one, that’s who. I had no one to impress. I was me. I like me, I am a nice person, I know I keep saying that but I am, honestly. I just don’t know how to get that on my profile and just saying I’m nice probably doesn’t cut it.

Anyway, suffice to say I did manage it. It took far bloody longer than it really should have done and I still only did the bare minimum. I looked around at a few profiles to get some ideas, call me a cheater if you want but I wasn’t, not really, as it seems everyone on the site is an extreme sports enthusiastic has a really high paid job, travels extensively and when I say extensively, looks like they are hardly ever in the country and has more hobbies than is reasonably possible to partake in.

I’m all for exaggerating the truth and bigging yourself up a bit but seriously.

I decided to do a little bit of a sarcastic twist on the ‘general’ profile blurb and just answer the generic questions set by the site. This seems to be going well as I have had some very sensible messages. Some a bit too sensible but for the moment I am not complaining… but watch this space.

I am in conversation with a very ‘seemingly’ nice 42-year-old from Surrey who is quite funny and hasn’t mentioned the S word once yet. He seems intelligent a little bit flirty but not too much and his grammar is good, I like that. He would like to meet this week and I think I just might you know.  He is however, 6″4 or something ridiculous, which at my dwarfish height is bloody ginormous.

I am also ‘talking’ to a few others but so far they are not progressing as quickly, some men are very backward in coming forward and others are just forward. Where is the man who sits in the middle of all this? For he is the one I am looking for…


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