This blogging lark is hard. I am someone who generally has quite a lot to say about most things, whether people want to hear it or not is another matter entirely but I can always fill a gap in a conversation.
However, this is way harder than filling a few gaps. I feel like a performer of sorts, an entertainer who needs to please her crowd. I know it’s a small crowd but nonetheless they need pleasing.
This is becoming trickier every week. I want people to be interested in what I say but if I am becoming bored of it, then how can I expect anyone else to be enjoying it? Is it because I am just bored in general at the moment and still recovering from my menopausal moment at the weekend that I can’t put to paper the things that are going on in my head? The question is, I suppose, is what I say actually really very interesting at all?
I am, after all, just like a lot of other women in the world, mid forties, kids, single and dating (or at least trying) and one who has never really got the hang of the world.
So thank God for my work colleagues this week. I don’t have many soppy moments but… I love you guys!
This week at work we have had some fabulous chats. This is unusual as we are often too busy to have even a passing conversation about the previous night’s TV, nevermind anything deep and meaningful. However, this week the afternoons have been fairly quiet and so we have made the most of a good old gossip.
We are all women (with exception of a few male GPs) of varying ages, from the mid 20’s up to the mid 60’s and beyond. Our lives are all very different and we have all had varying amounts of life’s ups and downs. Some have had long and happy marriages but have had more than their fair share of troubles with their children over the years. Some have had unhappy marriages and are now divorced, but otherwise had no real dramas. Some have faced illnesses. We have, most of us, lost loved ones and some are going through tough times with loved ones now.
The thing that binds us together is only the fact that we work together. We spend more hours with each of the people we work with in a week than we do with some of our own family or friends. Work colleagues are a different breed of friend. They are the people who probably know you better than you think, the ones who see you every day in whatever mood you present yourself and see you through all your tough times and your happier times and all the times in between.
We are a close but odd little group of people, some of those people you wouldn’t normally choose as friends and even though sometimes we all rub each other up the wrong way or might say something that someone finds irritating we get over it because we all have to work together.
Generally we do all get on well and this week has been evidence of that. We have laughed and chatted and told each other stories about our lives. Some sad, some funny but all important in one way or another.
You can be completely frank and open or sad and emotional because they are not connected to your life, they don’t know your family and your friends and it doesn’t matter if they agree or disagree with what you say or if they tell you one way or the other, it is just another story to them. It doesn’t affect their lives in any way, not like it might your close family or your best friends.
So it stands to reason that dating and relationships in general have become the hot topic at work. Since the blog was outed obviously everyone who reads it and some who don’t now know that I am using online dating sites to try to find a potential husband, well alright, alright… a ‘boyfriend’, lets not go there again.
There is a still a certain amount of stigma attached to online dating, although I have no idea why, as most of the country seems to be doing it, even the ones who shouldn’t be. It is almost the in-thing to do. If you are not trying to get a quick shag online, well, then there must be something wrong with you.
Now the blog is out, so are all the other online daters in the office and this week we have turned the air blue with our tales of tits, cocks and arseholes and that is just the tip of the dating iceberg.
I was embarrassed to admit at first that I was online dating and it still gets a bit stuck in my throat when I have to say it out loud, so I have to say that finding out some of my work colleagues are doing it, has made me seem not quite so desperate after all.
After all these ladies are lovely, they are slightly older than me (I’m sure they won’t mind me saying that) and for different reasons, have found themselves trying to find love again, or at least a little bit of romance. Or failing that… well you know!
Anyway, Tuesday afternoon we had a ‘let’s exchange stories’ afternoon. It was the funniest hour of the year. We laughed so loudly I got told off as they could hear us out at the front desk. It was well worth it though and extremely therapeutic.
We talked about the obsession with sexting and people wanting to share photos. Our dates and our chats with various people.
I moaned about J, 38 from Kent who was all very keen from the beginning and wanted to meet and let’s exchange numbers and yes, yes, yes, alright! I gave him my number and the first thing he did was send me a picture of him at the gym. Fab, thanks!
I told him I would of course have sent him one back but I’ve never been to the gym in my life, so I don’t have one! To which he replied ohhhhhhh. To which my immediate thought was Ohhhhhhhh… fuck off.
I thought you said you wanted a date? Oh.. I get it now, I send you a picture of my tits first and then you decide!
I think it’s an age thing. I am 45, I know I keep telling you this but I’m making the most of it as I won’t be for much bloody longer. The men I like the look of are between the age of 37 and 47 but I have yet to see many over the age of 40 ish that I have looked at twice. Judge that how you will, but I still stand by the fact that there has to be an attraction of sorts.
However, the men I like the look of are looking for either someone younger than they are or something very quick and very easy, of which I am neither. Or trying at least.
I am still at that fickle age, it seems, where looks do matter. I do not consider myself to be a grown up and I am clinging on to my forties like a woman possessed.
Veronica on the other hand is fairing marginally better than me as she is accepting of the fact that she is older and wants her man to be older too and with older comes that mature responsible attitude to dating. You are not just looking for the next quick fix, you are looking for something that means something and because you are both singing from the same song sheet, this inevitably means that it should be slightly easier (you hope) to find someone with whom you could possibly have at least two dates with.
So after her own fair share of frogs, wooden legs and bent ears she is on to her second date this week and I for one can’t wait to hear all about it.
It is nice to know you are not the only one putting yourself through this painful, ego shattering experience.
Right, better have a look and see whose online now then… 😉