It’s Sunday again.
We have the sickness bug in the house, so it is very quiet this morning. Tom is curled up in bed after retching the contents of his stomach into the toilet in the wee hours of this morning!
Elsie, who will do almost anything to avoid becoming poorly, including actually moving out for a few days has gone to school today, luckily, as they have dance rehearsals for an upcoming show. On the drive in she was insisting that Tom is imprisoned in his room all day, not to be fed and watered and if possible could I find something to seal the door so none of the germs can escape?
Yes, of course Elsie, out you get love, enjoy your rehearsals.
I have to admit to feeling slightly queasy myself today but I think that is vodka not bug related. Although the sound of Tom’s constant hurling is not helping.
So while Tom is sleeping and Elsie is tripping the light fantastic, I will do my best to update you on how my ‘mucking fuddle’ turned out.
The truth is, it wasn’t such a mucking fuddle at all in the end.
At work on Thursday and after speaking with the buddies I decided to cancel D, 41 from Kent. Why? You know why, because I really didn’t find him attractive. I felt bad for agreeing in the first place and worse than that, is the fact that since I had agreed I had just been dreading it actually coming around.
What is the point of that?
So I told D that I had to cancel and that I was very sorry. He asked if I wanted to rearrange, I said YES. I know… WTF! I just couldn’t bring myself to say; “sorry you just don’t do it for me!” It sounds so shallow. I need to get over this guilt about my lust for younger men and quick.
I also cancelled my Friday coffee date. In truth I didn’t fancy him either. I fancied him even less when he sent a picture of him just out of the shower with a mean and moody look on his face, a face which to be honest wasn’t a particularly handsome one.
The thing I wonder about guys like this is, who else are they bombarding with pictures?
As far as sexy pics go I don’t generally have a problem with them. I think they can be a real turn on. If your guy is at work and you want him to know you are thinking about him, a pic of you in some sexy underwear and promise of what is to come, will have him home with a hard on in a heartbeat. Or at least have him properly fired up by the time he does get home.
What I don’t like about sexy pics is how people are so very free with them. I have a daughter whose social media account is full of her ‘friends’, not her real friends but her ‘friends’ and ‘friends of friends’, most of whom are already posting quite provocative pictures of themselves online. They are in their teens, 14 or 15 years old. Some look younger than that.
However old-fashioned this idea may be, I still think that if you are too frivolous with yourself and your body you will inevitably not get the guy. You will still be seen as the good time girl, the one who is good fun but not marriage material. Not that anyone seems to want to get married these days.
Surely if you are looking for some kind of relationship with someone it has to have some basis to it. It is about sex, that we can not deny and there will always be that basic need, lust if you like, as that is the way we humans are made but you can have all these things and still have a little bit of self-worth and respect too.
I don’t want to date a man who has sent pictures of his cock to hundreds of other women or who has shown his goods on the world-wide web for all and sundry to see. Yes, I might want to have sex with him and it is a might but I will never want, never mind trust him enough to have a relationship with him, however casual that may be. I was never very good at sharing!
Now I may come across as a bit of a hypocrite here. As now I have climbed off my soapbox, I am going to have to admit to meeting Mr Married.
I have no excuse and no reason behind it other than I just needed to know what he was like. We had reached the point where we couldn’t go anywhere else except meet each other or stop talking. For me, in that really stupid, easily swayed by conversation and flirting, I knew it wasn’t going to be the latter. It had to be dealt with.
On Friday I had arranged to go out with some work colleagues and so after dropping the kids at a friends (a last-minute change as Grandma was ill), I arranged to meet him in a car park in town at 5 pm. I know. A car park! Does it get any more exotic than that?
He was exactly how I expected him to be but not as good-looking. I always think that the married ones will be better looking for some reason, otherwise how else do they seem to have all these affairs. Are women out there, who just want to be bits on the side? I just figured that he must have something about him, an air of confidence, an aura, a devilish charm that turned you weak at the knees, helpless to resist but NO, he had none of the above.
He was just your average bloke looking for cheap thrills. He wasn’t overly good-looking. He was confident in an almost cocky but not quite way and he had a naughty glint in his eye but that’s just because he wants to fuck me. I have a naughty glint in my eye when I want to have sex too.
I don’t know what I was expecting but I wasn’t disappointed because it’s not like we were going to be entering in to an exciting, whirlwind adventure of fun together it was just going to be sex, probably at his say so, or so he thought.
We chatted for about twenty minutes and in that time I knew that I didn’t want him. I didn’t want what he could offer, which to be fair wasn’t much. I don’t want to be a quick car park fumble. I am done with those days. 😉
Later, I met my friends in the local pub for a drink. It was a great night a few too many vodkas and loads of laughs. There is nothing quite like a night out with friends to make you forget about all the other shit and just enjoy being you for a few hours.
One thing I did realise though, mostly from that evening is that I know women whose husbands have cheated on them. The devastation that shows quite clearly on their faces when they talk about it, despite the fact that it may have been years ago now and they may or may not have moved on with other partners and remarried is still really quite clear.
Men and women have always had affairs. Not all women and not all men obviously but there is a long history of infidelity in the human race. For some it is incredibly difficult to remain faithful for whatever reason, mostly I think because people have tendency to think the grass is always greener over the fence. It isn’t, not usually anyway and certainly not for the long-term.
However, now it is too bloody easy. Before, most had affairs after becoming too close to a work colleague or being too friendly with a neighbour. Now you just pop your self on a website and you can meet anyone, anytime, anywhere. It seems this is now considered quite normal. There are hundreds of people all in relationships or married but all looking for ‘that little bit of excitement’.
It was painful to hear my friends talking about how they felt, especially knowing that I had just met a married man in a car park, while his wife was at home, probably looking after his children and probably thinking that he was out working hard and not sitting in a car park with some blonde woman, who should sodding well know better!
There was just one more lesson I needed to learn… and that is, after you have been out on a Friday night and had too many vodkas, do not strike up a conversation with the guy you really do fancy and not expect it to get a little bit too naughty…
… to be continued 🙂