Er, it’s Friday I think.
I can’t be sure as it’s the bit between Christmas and New Year and no one really knows what day of the week it is or whether they should be working, relaxing or still making merry.
The shops are open again and most things have returned to normal, whatever normal is. Some people are back to work and some are not. If you are a man you are generally not, as they do seem to get a lot of time off at Christmas, weirdly.
I say weirdly as it is not a time of year that most men enjoy. Most of my male friends would rather Christmas came, went and didn’t come back again. Most do not return to work until after the New Year, which means they are generally lounging around with not much to do and are annoying the shit out of their wives.
Yesterday I met the buddies for a quick coffee in the middle of the day. As work colleagues we don’t really socialise but we do really miss each other when we have long periods away from work. Well, I’m not sure they miss me as much as the other way around but then I am the single one, so they have men to contend with.
It was nice to have a coffee and a catch up. It is always quick and we talk at a hundred miles an hour to get everything in. There is always so much to talk about, even though, usually we see each other daily but I especially like the laughter we share. There isn’t a single day that goes by when we do not laugh at or with each other.
Friends are important, almost more important than anything else.
Friends just somehow make things seem not as bad as you may have first thought. They lighten your life and good friends will always be there for you, no matter how long it has been since you last saw them. I like to think I am a good friend to my friends. I may not always be around and I may not always reply instantly to a message but I will always try to make time for you if you need it and sometimes when you don’t.
You do not need to be in anyones pocket for them to know that you love them and that you think of them and that if they need you, you will be there, with bells on and a bottle of wine/vodka. It is lovely to have a coffee and a catch up but in these days of constant pressure with work and families and day-to-day life it isn’t always easy to get the time.
So in this bit in the middle I hope to catch up with more friends and any that I miss for whatever reason, should know that I would love to have seen you and I hope you are happy and well and that I love you… all.
I feel I should add there, that I am not dying. Just in case you were wondering.
I must be getting a soft side as I grow up!
Only one week to go now before my date with T. We have progressed to video calling now in an effort to keep things moving. Video calling, now there’s an invention. The only people I have ever video called are; my Niece in Nottingham and my friend in Scotland, both of whom generally do not give a shit about what I look like while we are chatting or that the camera is usually pointing up my nostrils.
I don’t know what is harder, having to constantly text funny, witty, intelligent banter or the need to always have your hair and a full face of make on, just in case T decides he wants to have a face to face with you. I have never wished a week to go by so bloody quickly, as much as I will be wishing that this one would just fly by.
I need this over with.
P, is also video calling. It seems it’s a trend. I like P but the thing with P is that he reminds me of my children’s father and I’m not sure this is a plus point. They not only look very similar, they also seem very similar in their mannerisms too, I don’t think P has a drink problem though but it is early days.
I’m not sure how I will feel about this when we are face to face (in the flesh I mean not over video), he is growing on me though. The more we speak the more I like him. There is something I find quite sexy about him and it will be the sex that attracts me to him, like a moth to a flame. Whereupon I will probably burn myself and end up adding another scar to my already bruised heart/ego.
P and T have swapped places in my head and not for the right reasons. I feel like I am stuck in a revolving door, the minute I go to step out on the side where P is, the door moves again and I face the side with T on it, before it moves on yet again… and so it goes on…
As each day changes so do my thoughts on each of them. I like them both but they are both very different. Of course, I know that just because we are managing to maintain a healthy text/chat thing, this does not mean that when you are ‘face to face’ you will be enamoured with each other. It usually means the complete opposite!
I think I am going to suggest that P and I meet this week. We can’t go on texting and talking the way we do without knowing if this is going to go anywhere. The only reason I had not pushed to meet is because of T and lets face it, that is just silly. I will have to meet them both won’t I? I might as well get it done. Or one of them at least.
If I meet P and I do like him, will I still want to meet T? At the moment I think I will. Then what happens if I meet them both and like them both? How will I decide? I will have to decide wont I? I can’t see them both, or can I?
In my head I absolutely can see them both, after all it’s my game isn’t it?
In reality, however, I know it is impossible, who has the time to date one person nevermind two and that’s not to mention the logistics of it, neither of them are exactly round the corner. I have two kids and a job and a family and a house to look after and sometimes I really do just want to be on my own. I don’t want things to be complicated.
I am still not sure about how much of this I actually do want. I like being on my own I have certainly gotten used to it over the years. I do miss sex and that will never change but is sex a relationship? You certainly don’t have to be in one to get it but I still believe that sex is better when you are having it with someone you know and like, rather than someone who you just met, four minutes ago, in the pub. Not saying that isn’t nice but it’s not something you want to do every week, is it?
Although I’m beginning to think that I can’t afford to be too choosy!
This week while updating a friend on ‘the dating debacle’ she admitted to being a little bit envious of all the sex I would be having, the excitement of the dating and all the new things to come, blah blah, because when you have been married forever, it all seems so very exciting.
I quickly pointed out that I hadn’t actually had sex yet and although I wasn’t giving up all hope of it happening soon, I still couldn’t quite convince myself that either T or P would be up to the job.
Neither did I think it would take this long. I know, I have only been actively looking for a few months now but I’m not looking for a husband (which I would expect to spend a bit more time on), I am looking for a bloke who likes me and want to have sex, often. How hard can it be?
The rough far out ways the smooth on this journey and believe me when I say that no sooner will someone have their feet under my table, so to speak, than I will wish their feet to be firmly planted under someone elses table because you always want what you haven’t got.
So no, I am not finding it particularly exciting yet… but I live in hope.
I hope that when the New Year arrives it brings with it a nice sexy bloke, who is just into me, we like each other, have fun and have lots and lots of sex. Amen.
Oh and not forgetting, health wealth and happiness to all of course… Happy New Year!