…until my first date of the New Year. #excitedmuch
Today I was back to work, the kids were back to school and everything is very normal again. Boring. No, not boring, just back to the same routine as before.
We all moan about out routines but we need them don’t we? We need to know that we have a purpose and routine is purpose. The things that get you out of bed everyday are the routines you have in place for yourself and your children, or family.
Without these what we would we do? We would need to do something, wouldn’t we? No one wants to feel like they do not have a purpose, however humdrum it may be.
My routine is well and truly back in place, as usual this morning, I spent the whole of the first hour of my day, moaning at Tom and Elsie to get up, get dressed and get a bloody move on while you’re doing it! I try not to shout but if I don’t they don’t move, at all.
They were not very excited about going back to school and I get that, it is always horrible, that first morning of early wake up, especially in the Winter. It is dark and bloody miserable outside but even on the first day back, when they have had two whole weeks to be ready, they are as far from ready as you could possibly be.
The differences between boys and girls is really becoming quite evident to me as my two get older. I only have sisters and so never grew up with a boy in the house and I am thanking my lucky stars for that now.
When I was a kid, I yearned for a brother, I thought it would be the answer to all my prayers. I wanted an older brother, of course, who would see me as his little princess and let me follow him around everywhere, hanging on to his every word. He would introduce me to his friends and when I was older let me hang out with them all. He would teach me all kinds of things, like fishing and how to make something amazing out of wood with a penknife and most of all he would worship the ground I walked on.
Instead I got two younger sisters, whom, I will state quite categorically now I love with all my heart but then, Oh my God, we could have quite easily have killed each other on a daily basis. I’m sure though, that had I have had an older brother I would have been having an even worse time.
Boys and girls are just not made the same way and I don’t just mean physically. We are honestly from different realms. There is not one thing that a boy thinks that will come anywhere close to being the same or similar to how a girl thinks about a given situation. Their behaviour is strangely alien to us. I see in my own two children how different they are. They argue of course like any normal siblings but the whole boy/girl thing is the real divide between them. They just do not understand each other and it pains me to admit it but I’m with Elsie.
My beloved Tom might just as well be a mythical creature for all we understand of his words and actions. Love him? I do, with all my heart. Have any idea what he is talking about most of the time? Nope, not a clue.
This morning, Elsie arrived at the back door, new handbag nicely packed with all she will need for her day at school, hair nicely brushed and plaited to one side, a hint of make up and uniform all present, correct and tidy with clean shoes that barely look a day old even though they are last terms.
Tom on the other hand doesn’t arrive at the back door until he has been shouted at a hundred times by me and when he does he looks like he has just got up, literally. He has hair that looks like it has just swept the yard, his clean and pressed uniform looks like he has slept in it since they broke up last year and his bag, he doesn’t have a bag, or at least he hasn’t appeared with one! Despite him also getting a new one for Christmas.
I’m not even going to mention his shoes because it will just have me raging again. I’ve only just recovered from seeing them this morning! Five minutes after we are supposed to be leaving the house is NOT when I want to be trying to stick the bloody sole back on to his school shoes.
He just looks at me. Mouth open but nothing coming out, while I am trying desperately not to put my hands around his throat. Then he shrugs his shoulders like it’s no big deal and says “Chill out Mum, you’re going to have a heart attack”. Chill out, chill bloody out! Really! I have a son, there is no fucking chilling out for me. Ever.
We all say ‘we can’t wait to get back to normal’ after Christmas and New Year and get back to our ‘routines‘. I for one wont be complaining next year, I will happily let my children lounge in bed all day, if that’s what they want to do, only appearing when they want food as it is much more pleasurable than what I experienced this morning. Long live the school holidays.
So now we are back in the swing of things. Kind of, I’m still struggling with days of the week and trying to remember where we are with everything. It takes a while to sink in doesn’t it all this New Year stuff.
New Year’s Eve was my last blog.
It was, as predicted, fairly uneventful to be honest. At home with Tom and Elsie, we played a few games, tried to watch a movie but couldn’t agree which one (another boy/girl issue) and managed to stay up to watch the fireworks on the TV. Jolly good show London. I had a few vodkas but thankfully not as much as T who called me to wish me a Happy New Year at about 12.30am, he was very drunk and apparently feeling very mischievous in someone else’s garden. I didn’t ask!
He told me that since we spoke on Boxing Day, he hadn’t been able to get me out of his head. Hold on a minute. We spoke? On Boxing Day? I don’t remember that? ‘You were a bit tipsy’, he said. A bit tipsy! I must have been more than a bit tipsy, the whole event had passed me by. Jesus, he is going to think I am right bloody lush at this rate.
We have spoken to each other since Boxing Day, you did not mention this? Why?
Trying to sound as if I know exactly who I am and what I am doing and trying not to let T tip me over the edge with all his mischievousness, had me reaching for more vodka. Then just when I was relaxing he drops in, ‘Oh and those messages you were sending me last night, they were hot!’
Oh God, I know I’ve asked you this before but please, if you wont kill me, just cut of my hands?
Why do I do such stupid things when I am drunk!
The night before New Years Eve we were at a friends for our annual games night, always good fun with plenty of food and plenty of drink. We stayed over which is always a recipe for disaster, as this means I can have too much to drink. This was the night when I was texting both P and T. It is obvious now that T won, as I have since looked at some of those messages and they are eye-wateringly naughty.
I think I can also see why P had the raging hump. It was clearly obvious that I was online and I was not messaging him, well not much anyway but there are no rules at this point. In fact, I don’t think there are any rules, ever. The rule book has gone out the window there is no dating etiquette, you can do what you want, when you want and with whom you want. Well, given half a chance and if you can find someone willing. That is why it is so bloody frustrating.
I was always swinging between the two of them, as you know and although T always edged it, P did have his moments but after that night I kind of lost interest in him. I tried to be nice and say that I didn’t want the full on relationship thing that he clearly wanted and that he didn’t need to come off the dating site for me, especially as we hadn’t even met yet, whose to say how we would feel after? He was adamant though that he wanted me and no one else and this just confused me. How can you possibly know that, we don’t know each other? I don’t get it?
Don’t get me wrong it is easy to become a bit too attracted to people through texting but you have to keep a clear head and remember that you do not know each other. You may or may not be attracted in the flesh and even if you are, you might only have a couple more dates before you decide that, actually you are not for me, after all.
Texting is easy, it is fun and flirty and can be naughty which is exciting but it is not real. The real bit is when you see each other for the first time and chat properly about things other than sex and what you are wearing in bed, which is usually far from the truth in most cases. There has to be a real attraction between you that extends beyond all your flirty chat.
I have been a little bit naughty with T on the phone and he with me. We have exchanged pictures, nothing too playboy but pictures of each other, so we can see the goods if you like. Well, you need to know if you are going to at least half fancy each other before you get there don’t you?
I fancy T and he says he fancies me. Good enough. We are going to meet. Ever the optimist!
Will he be my forever after? I doubt it.
I just want to meet him and see how it turns out, is all.
Fortunately I have no more vodka nights scheduled before Saturday, so all should remain dignified, until then at least.
Still, we are even now, as he was very naughty on the phone New Years Eve, taking great pleasure in describing all the things he was going to do to me on our date. He has an amazing voice or was it just the things he was saying? I thought I was going to melt. A gooey heap of stupid, girly mush on the kitchen floor.
For heavens sake get a grip woman. I’m trying honestly.
So with only three more sleeps to go all I have to worry about is T ghosting me out (which I really, really hope doesn’t happen) and the pot belly I have inherited over the holidays. Too much vodka and pate on toast every day has left me a little more bloated than usual! Well, I say a little.
How am I going to look sexy in my very new and very expensive underwear with an almost 3 months pregnant look?
Usually as a date draws closer I am suffering from too much anxiety to eat, this does not seem to be the case at the moment and with only three more sleeps to go, this pot belly needs to do one. I must remember no more food until after the weekend!
I was a tiny bit worried that I hadn’t heard from T all day today and had started to suspect that he had already ghosted me, when he text this afternoon. Phew!
“Not long to wait now sexy!”
The smile on my face could probably have been seen from the moon.