You see the trouble with saying things out loud is that once it’s out, there is no getting it back.
Usually that means it is exactly what you want to do.
Since starting this blog I have mentioned many people, mostly guys who I have been chatting to and those I have dated, well first dated, at least. I still haven’t got around to second dating anyone, for various reasons.
I get excited at the prospect of a new date or proposition and sometimes I find it difficult to hide that excitement. I get ahead of myself in a way that you feel like you might not necessarily have found the one but maybe the one right now. However, it usually turns out to be quite the opposite.
Once you have put pen to paper and laid all your thoughts out there for all to see, it is slightly embarrassing when you then have to say only a few days later, actually I didn’t hear from him again after that. The mere mention of his name out loud, so to speak and he was gone, in a puff of smoke and that is before you have even got as far meeting. Just the chat has put him off, or so it seems.
Once the initial contact has been made you message, not constantly but consistently over a period of days and it quickly becomes an investment, of sorts. Your time and your best efforts are put in to maintaining and remaining interested and interesting. So it is disheartening when you feel like you are making progress, for want of a better phrase, then all of a sudden, nothing.
Yesterday I thought that I had given Cheung the kiss of death.
I last heard from Cheung on Thursday when we were discussing the possibility of meeting this week, in fact it was originally going to be this evening.
In what was to be his last message, he said that he would be out-of-town for 8 weeks and whilst he would not be far away, it would be a little over an hours journey each way for us to meet and as he was not leaving until Monday, he felt Tuesday might be too early, so maybe Thursday would be better?
I replied dutifully to his message and said that Thursday was a possibility and he should let me know once he had settled in so we could make arrangements.
Chatting to the buddies yesterday I joked about the blog being the kiss of death and that as soon as someone gets a mere mention on here they disappear, without warning, never to be heard from again. It’s like admitting that you like someone and you want it to be real and then you find out that they were never really interested in the first place but the very worst thing is not the fact that they were not interested. That bit is fine.
No. The worst bit is the fact that you now have to announce the fact that they were not interested. After telling everyone and anyone who will listen that you are a little bit bowled over, and slightly charmed and yadder, yadder, yadder you now have to admit that it was all pie in the sky, again.
However, I am delighted to announce that Cheung messaged this afternoon. Clearly settled in to his 8 week secondment to the backwaters of Kent he has asked if we could meet the next week. Yes, next week. It’s only Tuesday. Can I wait? If I want to see him I suppose I will have to.
It dawned on me then, that I probably shouldn’t have been expecting to hear from him. This is not a love story. I am not entirely sure what this is yet but it will not be entirely conventional, in that I shouldn’t expect messages unless he has something to say, maybe? Endless chit-chat is not really what either of us were aiming for.
He has made reference to the fact that he will be making the effort to drive the distance required to see me and back again, for which I expect I am to be truly grateful and I kind of am, in a most peculiar way. This makes me unsure though of whether I should offer to move the goal post slightly, should I perhaps meet him somewhere else, would it be presumptuous of me to offer to go to him, wherever that might be? Or should I just say thank you and stop bloody procrastinating.
I very much want to meet Cheung. Therefore, I will do whatever will make this easy.
I am intrigued by Cheung and if nothing else, or whatever else, I just would like to meet him.
If it is nothing else, then it is still good to meet new people, have new experiences and enjoy the company of others. Whatever will be, will be. We can’t force ourselves to like people and can’t force people to like us but we have to continue meeting people all the same. Part of what makes us change and evolve are our encounters with others. People come and go in our lives all the time but all of them leave a mark, good, bad or indifferent. If you are lucky you learn something new about yourself, if you are luckier still you just learn something new, full stop.
I have high expectations of Cheung and this will inevitably set me up for a fall. I know this but although I have high expectations of him, it is of him as a person, not for what might happen between us. I genuinely believe he will be one of a kind.
… and if an accolade like that doesn’t give him the kiss of death, then nothing will.