Dear Sir…

I regret to inform that you have not been successful in your application.

There are many reasons why you have not been successful, the main one being you are a completely dishonest and untrustworthy shit.

So there!


Remember a while ago I said I wanted to explore something different?  I have changed my mind.

This will not come as a surprise to most, as I change my mind a lot.  However, I have my reasons for this sudden change of heart and I am going to use this post to try to explain them.

My search for Mr Particular began on a whim and looks like it will end the same way.

I have been interviewed/or have interviewed a fair few candidates in this fairly short amount of time.  Some have only made it as far as the conversation stage, some I have met and others have promised me the world in an instant but all have left me disappointed.

Naively I thought that advertising for a particular brand of man would make things simpler, almost like a job vacancy:

Strong, silent type required. Must have good manners, be clean and presentable with an extensive knowledge in the art of shibari.

Please apply within.

However, like most job vacancies you get some very unsuitable applicants for the position.

Fortunately the world of dating is not as PC as the world of job hunting and so you can be quite severe in your rejections. You can discriminate against hair colour or lack thereof, body type, age etc.  You can be fickle, It is allowed but I was trying a new approach and this meant not being too fussy.

I was trying to concentrate on the man more than the image.

Take Cheung for example, not classically handsome and skinny to the point of malnourished but I liked him, he interested me it seemed on the surface we were looking for the same thing.  Our messages certainly led me to belive that.  Did I fancy him?  Not especially, or at least not in that dreamy kind of way but that wasn’t really the point.

It was supposed to be a meeting of minds, initially at least.

There were many like Cheung.

The first was Sam, my conversations with Sam were interesting and informative up to a point, especially as he was the first person I had really engaged seriously with but messaging can only take you so far and despite us talking often, almost too often at some points, I couldn’t get the whole long distance thing.  He also had a habit of moving the goal posts, a very long way away.  Too quick too soon.

After Sam came James and then Hunter.  Hunter was young, at only 35.

I didn’t think I would be comfortable with someone a lot younger than me.  I mean, I make no secret of the fact that I am attracted to younger men but for this I just thought it would be weird.  It wasn’t.  He was very comfortable in his own skin and owned every inch of it.  When we met he was charming, very polite and actually quite handsome.  He had a beautiful body and yes, I did get to see it.

For one amazing night only.

I did hear from Hunter a few times after but he was all of a sudden unsure as to what he wanted and with absolutely no pressure on my side he waited too long before deciding it might be me.  Casually one Thursday night he text me and asked if I was free, it had been a week or so since I heard from him and so naturally I apologised and said I already had plans.

It was not what we agreed.  In the beginning we talked a lot about what we wanted and what we expected and how we wanted things to play out, we agreed. We both said we would be completely straight with each other.  Casual was not on the agenda for me.  I already has casual, at this point Flash was still roaming around with his permanent hard-on.  I wanted full on and that is what he was offering. It is why I went with it, after all. He failed to deliver on his promise.

I moved on.

After Hunter I chatted with a few others but never really wanted to take it any further than chat.  Scales was another young one but he was less gentlemanly, not sure how else to say that he came across as a bit of a shit really, he seemed to like demanding things. Then there was Jack, who seemed to think he was put on this earth to share himself with as many women as possible.  He took to sending me videos of him in action.

Then Mr E came along.

I am still very easily floored by good conversation. It will always be my Achilles heel I love a guy that can talk and Mr E could certainly talk.

I should be getting wise to this now.  Most men actually find it quite difficult to message, they find it awkward and as most are not serial texters like us women they struggle to hold long conversations.  It is rare that you find someone who can do it with ease and even rarer to find someone who doesn’t use text speak/slang and emoji sentences to tell you how they feel.

🍆😈 … I’ll give you three guesses!

A good conversation with someone who can talk about all sorts mixed with a bit of fun and flirting and good manners to boot, is something I will never be able to resist.

Remember way back at the beginning when Jon (aka 007) was on the scene, he was a great talker, I fell for him in a text message, literally.  He was not a looker but that man could charm the knickers off a nun.  We messaged a lot, he make me laugh out loud, he made me have ooh moments and ahh moments, he told me things I didn’t know, lots of trivia, and we just talked about stuff.  He was interesting and funny and well, pretty perfect actually.. anyway, I digress.

My point really is that Mr E was very much like that too.  He wooed me with words.  Then once he had me he left me.

The weird thing is that I thought it would be different.

I mean I thought that by searching for Mr Particular we would both know where we were right from the beginning and so we would be clear.  There would be no messing about, we both know our intentions and so if we do not have the same intentions then there would be no point in continuing.  Simple, yes?  Er, No actually!

Much like any kind of online activity it seems that intention is the key word.

The fun is almost only in the dream or the chase not in the reality.  The idea alone is enough to fuel the fantasy and for most a fantasy is all it is.  There is no intention to  take it any further in real life, everyone is happy to talk the talk but not walk the walk.

Mr E definitely talked the talk but failed once again to follow through.  At the time I was slightly devastated because I had high hopes.  I know, I can’t help it.  I am clearly easily hoodwinked.  However, in my defense he was very good.  I have to believe these people or some of them at least are genuine, surely?  You also have to bear in mind that I judge everyone by my own standards and there in lies the problem.

Not everyone is like me.  I have my faults believe me but I can honestly say that I would never intentionally set out to deceive someone and if truth be told that is what these people are doing.   They have no intention of meeting or following through with any of their promises and yes I am well aware that there are of course genuine and honest people out there, people who are just like me but for the purpose of this experiment it seems I couldn’t find one.

Once again I fell for the chat and that is really all it was, just chat.  An idle promise of things to come, designed to entice you into revealing yourself and of course stroking the male ego along the way.  The thrill of the chase, the fact that they have still got it and have the power to use it.  You are fulfilling a need in them, a need to prove that they are still irresistible to the opposite sex.

In an effort not to become cynical (or more cynical) I have deleted my profile and rebuilt myself a shiny, brand spanking new, third time lucky account.  I wonder how many accounts I will have had before I find my Prince? *cough

My new profile is real, well real enough for the virtual world, with real pictures and a real blurb and I bet you can’t guess who my first message was from?


5 thoughts on “Dear Sir…

  1. nijntje says:

    That sucks! Sorry to hear it.
    I’m afraid if something seems to good or too fast it probably is. No one should be making such long term promises from the very beginning, you simply haven’t had the time to know for sure.
    The faster the promise comes, likely the faster they will also go …. I had a friend that went through the same thing a couple of years ago. Again, sorry!

    Liked by 2 people

    • lifeloveandbollocks says:

      It really sucks!! It’s a learning curve I suppose. Luckily I have skin like a rhino, so it’s onwards and upwards, although it is frustrating to find so quite so many people just in it for the game play. I’ve always been a bit of a straight talker so it is hard to understand why people are not the same.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. thebarefootsub says:

    I don’t understand why people have to be such time-wasters. It seems to some sort of game to them and it is desperately frustrating, whether you’re looking for Mr Particular or someone to scratch an itch…

    Good luck with your brand spanking new profile

    Liked by 1 person

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