I am the sort of person who definitely works better under pressure.
The more I have to do the more I get done, in reverse though which is currently where I am, the less I have to do the less I am inclined to do.
It is the holidays.
Three days in and I am in relaxed mode, for the next 5/6 weeks there will be little achieved except for catching up with friends, days at the beach, picnics and she says tentatively, enjoying this still glorious weather. The longest period of unbroken sunshine we have ever had, I think.
Of course we are in Britain and so this long, beautiful unbroken spell of sunshine doesn’t come without issues and its fair share of government health warnings. Today I saw a headline that read “Drivers warned roads could melt”. Only in Britain do you seen things like that. Our roads are a travesty in any season, the winter potholes still haven’t been fixed so melting tarmac might at least leave the holes with softer edges.
The news is full of telling people to stay indoors and there is a level three heat health watch alert, I don’t even know what that is. A heat wave warning?
It is bloody warm out there and if you are fool enough to wander around in the midday sun with no protection from either clothes or sun cream then you will burn and it serves you bloody right. We do not need to stay indoors until the Winter arrives again and it will soon enough, we just need to have a modicum of common sense, something us Brits are sadly lacking in when it comes to weather conditions, be they hot or cold.
Yesterday we went to the beach, we left later than usual and went for the evening as it was so hot but you could certainly tell who had been there all day, pink is an understatement. Painful and raw is more like it. Why? Why do you want to burn your skin so badly that you wont be able to sleep, anything that touches you will hurt not to mention that you look ridiculous and may develop skin cancer later in life. Wont that be something to look forward to?
As my Sister and I were walking along the sea front we were daring each other to slap the person in front on the shoulders, she was the colour of a crab stick. The sting would have been heard for miles. Well it amused us, we are still very childish when we are together.
Tom was trying in vain to stop the seagulls from pinching his doughnuts, they are something else these days. They seem to work in packs, you can almost hear them, “Hey Cyril, you and the boys distract them and I’ll swoop in and get the goods, plenty of squawking, nice and loud, I’ll be in and out. Meet me back at the driftwood.” He nearly had half of Tom’s finger when he flew off with his stolen goods. Tom’s failed attempt at running in sliders (an odd version of the flip-flop) had us all in fits of laughter.
Sitting on the beach as the sun goes down is one of my most favourite things to do. There is just something so calming about it. A beautiful sunrise or sunset is something you rarely appreciate until you are a certain age I suppose. Listening to the sound of the sea and watching the sky change in to its beautiful evening wear never fails to impress me.
A couple of years ago we visited Scotland, we were visiting an old friend of mine who I met while working in Spain back in the late 90’s. She is Glaswegian and a pocket-sized ball of fire. The last few years she has been living and working around Oban and so we went for a visit. On my only previous visit I had been pregnant with Elsie in 2003 it was just a weekend visit to Glasgow, since then she had been to visit us, first for Elsie’s christening and then again a couple of years later when Tom was born and a couple of times since.
The thing I loved most about Scotland and in particular the west coast is the sunsets they are spectacular. Every evening we were there we spent on or near a beach or up a mountain and the views and sunsets were amazing. Scotland is a place I have never really visited unless I have been to visit Ruth but just the pictures that you can view online make you yearn to be back there.
Ruth is coming to see us again soon and we can’t wait. Tom and Elsie are busy planning things for us to do while she is here. I’m not sure their idea of fun and ours is entirely the same, top of their list is Thorpe park and top of mine and Ruth’s is Beachy Head but I’m sure we will be able to satisfy both the young and the old minds, although I’m not sure my stomach will feel the same after a day at Thorpe park.
Tomorrow we are off the beach again, well why wouldn’t you when the weather is just so lovely.
This week I have been yearning to text Mr Ivy and invite him on a picnic. I feel like it is something that would do us both good. I get the impression he doesn’t relax much and I really want to change that. However, we are not yet at that stage in our relationship. I am not yet comfortable with texting him, at the moment from where I see it he is still very much in control of this relationship.
He is steering the ship. Not because I am worried about texting him or because I feel like as a woman I shouldn’t but more because he is the one who has instigated this “fling” and it is up to him how it proceeds. After our little hiccup on Saturday I feel like he needs time to assess the situation and decide how he wants to move on.
This is not me just digging my heels in and waiting for him to do all the running but me completely conscious of the fact that he has things going on, things that are way more important than whatever is happening between us. I want him to want to continue and not feel like he has to because he is a nice person. I’m sure that doesn’t make any sense to anyone but as we continue I want it to be for the right reasons. Simple.
I really hope I hear from him and that the gift I received the last time we saw each other was not his way of saying goodbye but if it is, it is.
I have enjoyed every single minute of the time I have spent with him he has both surprised and amazed me, a lot more than I expected him to but sometimes it is just not meant to be and you have to be gracious, accept it and move on, as hard as it is.
Today I have spent with friends trying not to over analyse things but that is what I do, I over analyse. I can’t help it. As good friends do they listen, they advise and they sympathise and I love that about my friends, they are a sounding board a platform for me to overreact, they keep me in line and make me rationalise, even when I feel less than rational.
In that really weird way that is probably more common than we realise I falter, not because I am unsure but because I am a tiny bit scared, scared of being vunerable and scared of being rejected.
I have to keep reminding myself that this is normal. If I didn’t feel anything then that would be very abnormal.
Tomorrow we are off to the beach again, we will go late and we will have fish and chips and too much sugar and we will watch the sun go down on another beautiful sunny, summer day and for a moment I will forget everything except the here and now. #summerloving