It is raining, the sky is grey and there is a whole load of fresh air blowing about. One of those perfect rainy days.
It is lovely.
Waking up this morning I made a coffee and decided to take it back to bed, something I have decided I do not do often enough. Lying in the quiet, half reading my book and half listening to the wind and the rain I think has been my favourite hour of the week so far. Watching the curtains blowing in the breeze coming through the window, propped up on all four pillows available to me, I think I could quite happily have laid there all day.
I don’t have a favourite season I love them all, for different reasons and the seasonal changes are one of the many things I love about where we live. I love the long, warm days of Summer and equally enjoy the cold, windy days of Winter, especially if I am tucked up in front of the fire but after the long dry spell we have had, the rain is a welcome sight today. Everything smells fresh and lovely again.
As we wing our way towards the end of the first week, the Summer holidays have started perfectly. Tom is starting as he means to go on, camping out in the kitchen waiting for food and Elsie has been gadding about all over the place. Other than a couple of days out at the beach we, well I, have mostly just been relaxing, routine has become a thing of the past.
Unusually, Tom has hardly left the house and I like it. Gone is the tired grumpy kid from last week and in his place is a chilled out, practically horizontal only seen when hungry or thirsty, skinny rake of a boy. I don’t think he has put a brush through his hair since last Friday and it shows.
I am back to work tomorrow, just for the day, nevertheless it will be hard to drag myself out of bed at 7 am again. I do however, just sometimes need that little bit of normality, to be back in the real world every now and then as I would quite happily switch off from the world and become immersed in a little bubble of “hippie living”. I sometimes wonder if I was born in the wrong decade. I would have made a fabulous hippie, creative and carefree.
I love the kids not being in school, random meal times, no structure to our days and just generally being footloose and fancy free.
Life can not be lived with routine, or without rules and regulations but sometimes it is just nice to forget about the everyday and just retreat to your own little piece of sanctuary, wherever that might be. Days like today for example, made for tea and toast and losing yourself in a story.
I am still trying to finish some of my own stories. I have always dabbled in some form or other of writing but I float in and out of it as I do with a lot of things in life, I am easily distracted. Lately I have been slightly more focused a bit more driven, I want to finish something. I have lots of hope and dreams, schemes and plans but if I don’t start realising them instead of just thinking them, they will never come to fruition. Easy to say huh?
This weekend has felt a tiny bit bereft without Mr Ivy in it.
I knew even before we got here that I would not be seeing him this weekend, call it intuition if you like but I just had a feeling. Still, I don’t like it. I don’t like not seeing him and I don’t like not hearing from him and I really don’t like the thought that I will not see him again. That will pass soon enough and as another week goes by the less I will think about it.
I am not one for regret and I do not regret Mr Ivy, we can only make decisions based on what we think is the right thing to do at the time. If you decide to go a particular way because at the time it was the best and right thing for you, at that particular moment in time, then how can that be the wrong decision? Whatever happens good or bad as a result of your choices should only give you the insight to be better equipped should the same or similar situation present itself again. In theory at least.
If given the chance again, would I do things differently? Of course, to some extent, hindsight is a wonderful thing.
I can not change anything that has happened only what is yet to happen and that is again down to choice. Passive or assertive? To accept the situation or to drive it? Both have worse case scenarios, the worst case being that I never hear from him again, should I choose to be passive. However, if I choose to be assertive I could also be rejected. Both scenarios could end with the same outcome. Which would make me feel better?
This is the conversation I have been having with myself this week. There is no right or wrong answer and everyone will have a different opinion about what is the right thing to do. Last week I joked with Mr Ivy about postponing our dates until the Winter, it has been far too hot for shenanigans of any variety, now on this almost wintery day it would have been the perfect way to spend the day. Isn’t that ironic.
By far the best thing about a random rainy day is the excuse to not do anything and a random rainy day that falls on a Sunday well, that is just the ultimate lazy day excuse.
Today I have been just that.
I have lounged around, reading, writing, eating (of course) and just generally mooching about. It is just about 4 pm and we are all still in our pyjamas!
The rain is not meant to last, maybe in to tomorrow and then more sunny weather is forecast for the rest of the week. Therefore, I shall not feel guilty at all for using this rainy day as excuse to do absolutely bugger all.