Up close and personal

The weeks are going by in a heartbeat.

I sit down to write and realise I don’t have any time to while away writing, so I get up and get back on with life. It has been busy at home and at work and for once socially to, the perils of trying to double date no doubt.

I barely feel like I have the time or the inclination to brush my teeth at night before crashing into an exhausted slumber.

My mood has been teetering on the edge of unreasonable for what seems like forever again as my coil releases yet more demented hormones into my body on a regular basis. I am bleeding then not bleeding, bleeding again, occasionally dribbling and staining my way through every month, unsure whether or not I am menstrual, pre-menstrual or just plain fucking crazy. The rage that surfaces during these few days every month is really quite something. I truly understand why women have killed during these bouts of horrific hormonal surges. Say the wrong thing at the wrong time and you have had it, you just have to hope I am not holding the bread knife.

I discovered yesterday that I really shouldn’t drive when I am feeling unhinged, I’m a bloody psycho!

I am still dating both Eric and Irish, in an effort to determine if either make suitable boyfriend material. It is going… well, OK, I guess. I can’t say that either of them make my heart sing but currently that might be a hard task to set anyone. I have a feeling this isn’t going to end well and I will largely have only myself to blame.

Pete and I had only our third date this week. It feels like we should be much further ahead but what with one thing and another we have never quite managed to fit anything in. This is not helped by the fact that we live two hours apart, although as it turns out this might actually be a blessing in the long run.

This week he came to me, it was written in pencil that this would be an indoor date for some ‘up close and personal’ time and as I haven’t had sex since October, I can honestly say I was more than a little excited about the whole thing. So far Irish and I have been getting on great, despite hardly having seen each other there is a definite frisson of electricity between us and while we may not have the best conversation (he is very keen to talk but not so keen to listen), there is something about him that I like. I haven’t quite worked out what that is yet, but still I was happy to go with and see where it took us.

Irish is/was magnificent at foreplay, I had anticipated this, but I really underestimated him. I already knew he was a great kisser after being dragged up a dark alley in London on our first date and he did not disappoint. He still kisses like a dream, he has it nailed and with a flick of his delicious tongue he soon had me nailed to the kitchen work top, with no room for manoeuver. Delicious! His hands made light work of everything else and in what felt like a matter of minutes he had me struggling to keep myself upright and a warm tingly feeling passing through my nether regions.

It took us straight to the bedroom. Surprised? I thought not.

Sadly when we got down to it, the actual getting down to it wasn’t quite so good. Irish was a little on the short and stubby side and while thick is usually OK, it’s the short thing that is often the issue for me. At first glance I wasn’t overly concerned, it was (in my humble opinion), a little smaller than average but it had a certain amount of girth and so I pushed this worry to the back of my mind and continued enthusiastically with proceedings. If I’m honest and in retrospect it certainly wasn’t the best sex I have ever had, despite the amazing foreplay and at one point I was a tiny bit worried I couldn’t feel anything (perhaps I have an exceptionally large vagina? *thoughtfulface although you wouldn’t think it with the length of time it took the nurse to get the bloody coil up it..) but anyway, after a slight shift of control/positions I managed not one but TWO orgasms. Irish was suitably impressed with this and well he should be, it was to all intents and purposes, mission accomplished.

It turned out to be a very pleasant and enjoyable morning of sex.

Time runs out quite quickly when you are having daytime sex and so after a quick shower, some tea and a little chat about whether or not we might do it again, I dropped him back at the station. Feeling actually quite satisfied.

Usually I am a firm believer in the fact that sex generally gets better when you get to know each other a little, not pipe and slippers but just the things that make you both tick, you become more open and more confident about mentioning the things you do and don’t like and therefore I am kind of open to seeing or having sex with Irish again. I am swinging somewhere in the middle. Will it hurt to just go along for the ride, for now? We are neither of us looking for anything serious and so provided we are honest it will be fine surely?

However, I am not so honest as to tell him I am still seeing Eric, at least not until we have slept together, which given the pace at which Eric moves will not be before the next Lunar Moon.

Eric and I had date number five yesterday and we still haven’t progressed past a passionate snog at the end of the evening.  This time it was dinner and bowling, much to my horror. I bowl of course I do, I have teenage children but it is not my ideal date venue, they are usually noisy, full of loud teenage boys or children under ten and not usually conducive to conversation or flirting. It can also bring out the competitive animal in me, not ideal when I am trying to be all girly and sweet.  This is a hard enough task for me.

It was actually quite a fun evening. I did beat Eric at bowling and he wasn’t too happy about it, but he was shit at it and I mean really shit, which considering it was his idea to go in the first place, surprised me a little. I also beat him at air hockey, a game I play often with the kids and am very good at *smugface So he was left licking his wounded male ego slightly, but I did warn him when we went ice skating that I am competitive by nature so if he wants to keep bringing activity to table he had better up his game. Alternatively, we could just have dinner and a shag like normal couples? Where hopefully he will leave with his ego very nicely intact.

I can’t work out why Eric doesn’t want to want to stick his tongue down my throat at every given opportunity? Or touch me even, just a slight brush of the leg or hold my back when we get up to leave the restaurant, anything, anything at all? A wink, a leer, a straight forward ” I really fancy you” will do, just something, but there is nothing? Well, OK, we have kissed but that was only at my insistence on date four, would you believe, when I practically stood in front of his car and refused to move until he made a move. I might as well have been wearing a flashing begging sign.

The thought crossed my mind that Eric might not fancy me but he keeps asking to see me again so he must like me a little, surely? He would say if he was just looking for friendship wouldn’t he? Our dates are OK, if a little old-fashioned and apart from them all having to involve some form of activity that is NOT sex, everything else seems to be moving along fine as long as you ignore the HUGE elephant in the room.

With Eric it all seems to be about the connection. How compatible we are and if our minds align on the same planetary timeline, whatever the hell that means and as he keeps reminding me it’s all about the cosmos and spirituality, it is the age of Aquarius (apparently), so communication is key. Cool, should I just come out and say it then? I’m all for communication if it comes with an orgasm attached to the end of it and I am an Aquarian so does that count? If so can we have sex now please?

How long do I wait for the sexual chemistry to kick in? Eric is behaving like the perfect gentleman which in some respects is lovely, but even gentleman want to have sex, don’t they?

I still like them both in equal amounts, not one more than the other or one less than the other but equally and still for very different reasons. If I could merge the two I think I would almost have it, the guy, the one who floats my boat, but I can’t and so for now I must have them both.

Worse than that is I am still looking, still looking for the one…

The quest that never ends.

2 thoughts on “Up close and personal

  1. Unleashing the Cougar says:

    This post really resonates with me, mainly because you write so well in communicating your feelings and perspective. I agree totally with you of course, why can’t it all be simpler? I like your humour as well, and flexible attitude, which I believe is so important in this dating game. Going the flow seemed to be my motto for a long time. It led me up many rocky and unsuitable paths, but without taking risks I wouldn’t have truly lived. As for Eric, I get the feeling he is middle aged and either completely out of practice or from another generation. I don’t have experience with this demographic – but if I was in your shoes, I would cut to the chase and talk about what’s bothering you. Ask him outright whether he’s interested in you and see if you can progress things along. Afterall, you don’t want to waste too much time on someone who is looking for something completely different or is just plain incompatible. He could have erectile dysfunction (a VERY high percentage of men over 45 do) or a complete lack of interest in sex! Knowing these pertinent details makes all the difference.

    Liked by 1 person

    • LLB says:

      Thank you! 🙂
      Hmmm. Eric is a bit of a conundrum. I know what you mean about going with the flow, it invariably turns out to be a pointless venture. I think I already know that Eric is not the one for me and just because I am willing him to be won’t make the slightest bit of difference. However, on the plus side I have decided that I am just going to get it out there…. one way or another!

      Liked by 1 person

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