Spring is my most favourite time of year.
I love it because it sounds so frivolous.
It’s a hop, step and jump in to Summer, with (hopefully) warm sunny days and long, light evenings. It just makes you feel good.
Over the last few days and particularly over the Easter break the sun was out in all her splendid glory, the weather really was beautiful. I know, we make such a fuss of weather in England but it is rare to have wall to wall sunshine, so we like to talk about it, a lot! We Brits can talk about the weather for hours, it’s our thing.
I generally find I don’t have time to date once spring comes. With spring comes jobs, everything is growing or needs a good clean, something need repairing or fixing up a bit after fading in the Winter doom and gloom. The house now needs a good airing, as do I, but the house takes priority, for now. The garden has sprung back to life, in what has been perfect grass growing weather so before I am wading through grass that is up to my armpits, I must sweep the cobwebs from the shed and get reacquainted with the mower.
All of a sudden I feel like I am permanently attached to some kind of mowing, cleaning, or sweeping implement.
I haven’t had a single adventure since my trip to ‘the spa’, but in all honestly I haven’t had the time.
Neither have I heard a peep from Napoleon, who it seems has decided to ‘take some time out’. He is starting a new job soon and he can’t possibly be expected to concentrate on this and a woman at the same time. Therefore, he would like some time to keep his shit together, if I don’t mind of course. Largely, actually, I do mind. I don’t mind that he doesn’t want to see me again, but I do fucking mind that he can’t just say it, that he can’t just say… Thanks, but no thanks.
For a man with such a large penis, he could do with growing slightly bigger balls.
Of course, there is always the chance that Napoleon thinks it is realistic to expect me to just wait in the wings, while he carries on with his ‘shit’, then once he has his ‘shit’ under control he can just drop me a message and pick up where we left off. I really do hope he tries this. I will hopefully have another bit between my teeth by then!
Weirdly this week this exact situation popped into my WhatsApp. I had a text from a number I didn’t recognise. A very simple but generic, “Hey Sexy, how you doing?”
I had no idea who it was, some people have the weirdest profile pics so that wasn’t helping me either, I had obviously removed him from my contacts as no name came up, there is usually good reason for this, so I toyed with the idea of replying for… Ohh, for about ten seconds, then I deleted the message. An hour or so later, another one popped in, “not talking to me then?” There isn’t an emoji that would come close to describing my feelings, but mix these ones together and you will get the general idea.. 🙄🖕😤 … after far tooooooo long spent contemplating how I should reply to unknown piece of 💩 I decided actually, I am not going to waste my time. DELETE.
I have been online dating on and off for almost two years now, I have swapped numbers with too many men to have even the faintest idea of who you are and for you to even think that I might shows how up your own arse you really are. After who fucking knows how long, it has all of a sudden gone a bit dry, you are bored, horny or both, so while you are lying on your sofa, picking fluff out of your belly button, you have a quick scroll through your contacts to see who might succumb to your “Hey sexy” text, after all someone is bound to be waiting for you to just pop in to their inbox again, longing for their chance, the one they never got first time around because someone else caught your japseye in a nanosecond and they were put in reserve.
Bitter? No. Nowhere close, but fed up? YES!
Over the last few weeks in particular, I have been seeing a few people at the same time and I wasn’t sure if or how this would work for me. However, on reflection it seems to be working very well indeed. I have heard from others how it is generally common practice for people to assume that you are not exclusive until you have had that conversation and therefore you should expect that the people you are seeing are seeing other people, I get that, that is how it works.
What I don’t get is why people are still just so vague about everything. If you like me say you like and if you don’t, you can tell me that too, I won’t implode. You don’t have to break it to me gently for fear of breaking my heart, honestly. After a few dates which mostly consists of us both blowing smoke up each others arses and ensuring that the other one knows how fascinating we are, we have barely scratched the surface of what we actually think about anything, never mind got the nitty gritty of what makes us who we are. At this very superficial stage of our ‘relationship’ I quite literally do not care what happens either way, there is no connection to break.
When you meet someone for casual dating it means just that, the clue is in the title. If by some bizarre kismet thingy, sparks fly and the universe starts spinning the other way around, I am pretty certain we would BOTH feel it. Until then please just feel free to say it how it is and stop the pussy footing about would you!
I want to say all this to Napoleon, I want to tell him not to be such a giant cock (no pun intended), but there would be little point. He would most likely see it as me pretending not to care while obviously really caring underneath, which must mean that I am in love with him and therefore he did the right thing in treating me with kid gloves. He would think that I am ranting because I have been scorned, dumped, whatever and wouldn’t consider for one moment that by saying he is too busy to even talk to me at the moment, but he hopes we can in future, is in fact a brush off and a shitty one at that.
I am not a child and I dislike being treated like one! *She says, stamping her feet.
In truth I have hardly thought about Napoleon since our last conversation, but writing this has made me realise how frustrating I find all this sometimes.
In the last year or so I have dated a fair few guys and in all honestly there isn’t a single one that I really think about, or wish had turned out differently. Even the fling with Ivy which was my longest, at around four months (I love how I make that sound like a long time), was never destined to be a great love affair. They are what they are and I enjoy them, for me it is never about being in love, or not, it is just about making hay while the shines.
So that is what I will continue to do…