Am I or am I not in a relationship?
This is the question I have been asking myself for a few weeks now and I am no clearer to working out the answer now, than I was then.
In my mind, truth be told, I think not but…
Somehow Irish and I have become exclusive but (see, there is always a but) it is not because we both wanted to be exclusive, it is just circumstance. I was pissed of with dating and needed a break and he, well actually I don’t know what his excuse is but I think it is largely due to the fact that he doesn’t have time for one girlfriend, never mind a harem full.
Suffice to say that we seem only to be seeing each other at this precise moment in time.
This week in various conversations leading up to our next date, we have been discussing our relationship status, which has left me a little confused to be honest. I like Irish and I have already said this, several times, but like is all I feel. He makes me laugh and we always have a good time together. but what we have is hardly deep and meaningful and I don’t mean that in a disrespectful way, it is just fact. To me it has always been a good old fashioned fling and he knows this as I have often told him, that for me right now, that is how I see it.
We just don’t do the things that dating couples do.
Apart from sex. We have plenty of sex. Well when I say plenty, I mean plenty when we see each other, which on average is around every four weeks. The sex is good and when we are together we get on well, we enjoy each others company and we have a great time together, BUT…
In my mind we are NOT in a relationship and this is just simply because we do not see each other enough to have a relationship.
There are also lots of other things that are missing too.
For example: We don’t talk about our days together, neither do we share our thoughts and feelings about things that happen, unless they are directly related to what is happening between us. We have never once been out to dinner or to the cinema or had a date that didn’t involve sex (other than the first couple of get to know you dates) and if I am going to be completely blunt, we do not really care what the other one is doing when we are not together. That is not to say that I don’t care about him to some extent but overall in the day to day running of things we are just getting on with our own shit, there is no crossover. Irish and I are running parallel to everything else that is going on in our lives.
So, you can imagine my surprise when Irish announced that he would like to meet my friends. What? Why? What benefit will that have on our relationship?
I asked Irish if he wanted to stay over on our next date, which is scheduled for next week. Tom and Elsie are of to Nana’s for a couple of days next week, so I thought it might be an ideal opportunity for us to grab a bit more time together. These opportunities are few and far between. Therefore, in a rush of lust to head, I offered him a sleepover. He declined.
He declined, he said, because he thought it would complicate things. I am unsure what he meant by this but his explanation, which was something to do with his feelings becoming too involved and him liking me more than he thinks he should already, was in no way adequate. I worried that he was reading more in to my indecent proposal than was necessary and said so, but he was not for turning.
I am not offended by the fact that Irish doesn’t want to spend the night with me, in my mind it makes not a lot of difference to our situation, I just saw it as a good opportunity to get to know each other a bit more. To see if this thing is a thing? Since then though and with the revelation that Irish has now decided he would like to branch out and meet my friends, I am once again confused. Surely meeting friends/family IS a huge progression in any relationship? This is the step you take when you feel like this person might become a bit more of a permanent thing in your life, isn’t it?
Somehow, I feel like my offer of a night of drinking and debauchery has been gazumped.
I am nowhere near the let’s bring everyone on board stage. I am quite happy ticking along just me and Irish, as and when it takes our fancy. I like it the way it is.
Irish and I have had conflicting views about our relationship from the beginning and it seems we are back at the debating table. I say ‘friends with benefits’ he says boyfriend/girlfriend.. and so the debate goes on. Am I too old to be a girlfriend? I certainly feel it.
There is a small part of me that wonders why we have to have a status? Who says we have to call it anything? Why can’t we just let it be?
I have of course discussed all this with the buddies, who after much deliberation declared our official relationship status as ‘half’ boyfriend and girlfriend.
It’s like a relationship but only half a one. Oh, so very similar to a ‘friend with benefits’ then?
I think that just landed us back at square one.