This week I have had many a fleeting idea for my next post.
This was one of them…
I heard an old song, a favourite of mine by Mika and the words reminded me of how it feels to be part of the dating game. Or any game really, where you are trying to sell yourself or your ideas, or even your stories.
Apparently, Mika wrote the song after failing to get a recording deal. Rumour has it, that in a moment of frustrated anger at his latest rejection for not being enough of this or too much of that, he went home and wrote Grace Kelly, a two fingered salute to the music execs who wanted to mould him in to a carbon copy of everybody else.
Everyone says it is good to be different but in reality we want everyone to be the same. We like conformity and uniform and places for everything and everyone.
To be different means you will appeal to only a few and not to the masses and the masses, sadly, is where the money is.
I have always loved the song, even before I knew the reasoning behind it. To me it is pure, unadulterated, fun. A sing-along song and one you can really let your hair down to. When I hear it I can’t stop myself from dancing to it, I have to turn it up, LOUD and after a few glasses of anything (even lemonade), it just makes me want to swing and shout and shake it all about. It is my happy song.
However, this week when I heard it on the radio and while I was wailing along to it in the car on my way home from work, I thought a bit more about the meaning behind it, particularly with it being mental health awareness week.
Mental health problems such as depression and anxiety are on the increase and have been for some time. This is not news, we all see the headlines and read the stories, we know people who are suffering everyday with some kind of mental health problem, but what we don’t know is how to help them. Left alone these issues can spiral out of control and have devastating conclusions.
Most of us at some time or another have felt some sort of anxiety, whether that is fear of a new venture, worry about money or debt or a feeling that you are just not good enough.
It sucks to feel shit. To feel like you are not enough. That you should be better in some way or another.
For a little while I felt like that about dating. I couldn’t understand why it was so difficult for me to find someone. Getting my head around people judging me for my looks alone to begin with is hard, not to mention deciding by my profile if they thought we would get along. It seemed crazy to think that you can look at someone and decide whether or not they are good enough, pretty enough, tall enough or even nice enough to be given the opportunity to talk to you or go on a date with you? It is harsh and unforgiving in the reality.
I looked at people that had looked at me and wondered why they hadn’t messaged me. Perhaps they didn’t like my photos or maybe it was what I said or how I said it? Should I take more photos? Put more make up on? Do something different with my hair? Should I make myself sound funnier or more serious? Who bloody knows? Anyone?
Don’t get me wrong I have been as guilty of it as the next person. I have looked at profiles and thought, NO! Too fat, too bald, too old, too young, too anything really.
So, Sorry.. what is your point here? What exactly are you trying to say?
I suppose what I am trying to say is that I have questioned why people don’t like me. I know it is hard to believe, but it is true, not everyone does. *winkyface
I can be a right royal pain in the arse, just the same as the next person but it still smacks when people knock you for the way you look, or because you are the wrong side of 40 now (and then some), or because you are short and not a size 8 anymore (not that I ever was), but well you know what I mean. I know we can be fickle, especially when choosing a mate but we really have no idea of the impact we can have on others when we are so blasé with peoples feelings and emotions.
Every time you have that ‘thumbs down’ you lose a little bit of confidence and the more it happens the more confidence you lose.
Thankfully, I have a strong mind and good friends, friends who have listened to my woes about not being this or that or the other and they just tell me to stop attention seeking and go away, which I do.
But I can see how shit like that does affect people. How being constantly rejected or rebuffed by this person or that person, or from job interview after job interview can make you feel utterly rubbish.
I am guilty myself sometimes of watching TV and wishing that I looked like the dancer with the long slim legs and toned body, as I sit scoffing my oversized bag of crisps and marvelling at the moves on Strictly. We all have those days, the ones where we feel a little less like the best we can be, but every day we really should just be ourselves and sod anyone who thinks we should be anything other than that.
Easier said than done I know, but maybe a little bit of Mika will help you bring your V for victory fingers out to play! 😉